Midnight in the Garden of Weeden

We got snow for the last night of December (OK, the last full night of December) and it's fun. There is an almost full moon so it is really bright out. The pictures are of my bird and hummingbird feeders.

Hey, mi amigos, good news! my brother saw a hummingbird using my feeder... while the snow was falling at that! Wish i could have gotten that photo. It's all good. A hummingbird has found my feeder! Yeah!!!!

No time to be depressed, i make a long to-do list instead

Victories yesterday, mi chickies and roos! Yes, i am finally able to use my laptop on my lap. Yeah! i got my router problem solved. And, my desk cleaned up in the process. Something in my house is clean.... oyee.

i hosted Christmas for my family this year and sacrificed my personal Solstice rituals to get it done. Perhaps the end of my router issues is my instant karma (thank you John Lennon). my brother will be moving out in another week and i can't wait. i love my brother, don't get me wrong, but i am going to love having my house back.

Oh, there are so many things i want to do. i want to plan my garden and set up a calendar and to-do list. i want to re-organize my art and craft paraphernalia. i want to work on a fabric art piece. i want to brood two more chicks this spring and i want to do my family genealogy. Oh, and i want to read a book, and write down some of the stories i have in my head.

Per usual, i too long of a to-do list.

And, if it's not too much to ask, i want a small farm so i can have an even bigger garden and the need for an even longer to-do list.

Where am i going with all this? i don't have a clue, mi amigos. i am just very chatty this very nice Sunday morning.

i'm off to do some chores and will be back. Love to all, cynthia

Lincoln and i went to a nearby nature park. Here are is one of the videos we took.

Damn plane. Lincoln thinks this video is funny because i trip and i say "damn plane".

Happy, happy mi amigos! Love and hugs.

Cold December morning queue and squirrels at my door

Just want to add pictures of the creatures that live in my world. i am so grateful!

Check out these catz! Thank you Armen.

Two months is too long

It has been two months since i have posted here. Shame on me. There is a lot going on and i don't want to bore you, my one and only follower, but i feel the need to explain.

my brother sold his house and has not found a new one yet. Knowing he needed to stay with me for awhile, i had to clean out my spare room. It had turned into a store room of sorts so now my livingroom is a store room of sorts.... Oy.

i am having computer issues as well. my wireless connection is not working right so i am tethered to a cord.

i started a Facebook account and WOW, all my Warrior of Light friends found me almost immediately. i love them all so much and thought i had lost my connection to them. That's us in the picture above on our last day. i really want to talk about them but will another day.

Special thoughts for my warrior sister Ana Rosa, she has lost her son and i ache for her. i don't know what happened but it doesn't really matter, does it? Thanks to Facebook i can be in touch with mi amigos.

So, you're thinking to yourself, "I waited two months for this?"

my girls (the chickens) are moulting so they look kinda funny. i'll get pictures.

And i promise to write here again soon.

Check out what the rain is doing to my mammoths! EEE! Hold on tight, you're not ready to harvest yet.

i created a facebook page... OMGoddess!

i usually pick cucumbers and raspberries on Saturday but it is raining today so i am spending alot of time on the interwebs.

i joined Facebook, finally. i put it off for a long time because i like my anonymity but finding my old Warriors of Light amigos has made it all worth while.

The whole healthcare debate has me very worked up but i am calmer today because i joined Facebook and immediately found mi amigos de La Guerreros de la Luz. We all met in Mexico City in November of 2001. They are my spiritual brothers and sisters and they live all over Central and South America.

Speaking of Central and South America, i need to add a quick explanation here about why i am careful about the use of the descriptive Americans when i speak about my countrymen (and women). There are Americans from northernmost Canada to the southernmost point in Argentina. So, you can see why i try to be careful about that. i have many American friends who are not from the USA.

i emailed President Obama yesterday. i tried to make a reasoned argument for Medicare For All. i am very discouraged about healthcare reform. It just seems like my countrymen are so selfish, greedy and narcissistic. But on second thought, i think it is only my country's politicians. The polls show the people want single-payer or at least a strong public option. It is all very disheartening.

Got Hope?

President Obama is really in a pickle. He brought it on himself because he wants the cooperation of the right. So much so, that he thinks progressives like myself will go along. Rahm Emanual even wants us to shut-up.

You shut-up!

Anyway, President Obama has quite a dilemma. If he pushes for a public option he will get the House but not the Senate and if he drops the public option, he loses the House and may get the Senate (i think the Senate is a club and not a legislative body).

He can't win for losing.

But, like i said, he brought it on himself and i fear his presidency is doomed. i want to support my president but he does not want to support me and mine. Wednesday night he will speak to the nation and then i will know if he wants us to continue to be a nation of 'me' or if we will start down the road of the nation of 'we'.

Time to get some chores done so i will see you later.

Love and hugs, chickies and roos.

cynthia

This is why you haven't heard much from me lately

Who would you allow to die so you could profit? My grandson? His mother or father? Me?

I really do want to know. My parents are still alive and kicking and in their mid to late seventies; maybe you would be willing to let them die so you could maintain your profits.

Maybe you could get by for awhile by letting the 'dregs' of society die for profit before you have to move on to my parents, children, grandchild and me. Those terrible drug addicts or those useless fat people, the smokers, foreigners, the mentally ill, criminals and those terrible homeless people all deserve to die anyway so why let them eat into your profits?

Yes, i am being sarcastic, or am i? For the sake of profit, people in this country will do anything. We allow children to go hungry, poor children to get a deplorable education, old people to live in squalid conditions, climate change to worsen, and pile debt onto our great grandchildren.

i really don't know why i go on about this stuff. Humanity is cooked. Humanity is a failure. The sooner we are gone the better the chances are for the rest of the beings on this planet. For those who believe in that big brother god-daddy in the sky, your god made a mistake in making you, us. We are not only killing each other but we are killing the planet. Instead of seeing ourselves as a part of a larger whole, we think we are the center of the universe and everything is about us. It's all about me, me, me, not we, we, we.

When i die i hope i can find a way to move on without reincarnating again. i want my soul to find a new path. Mother Earth needs a respite from human-like animals. Human souls who have not learned that the village is more important than the individual have not evolved.

Are you a me or a we? i try my best to be a we and that is all i can ask of you. Give it your best effort.

Just another family photo

Holley the dog in the back is mother to all who need mothering or protecting is watching over the other residents of my little Garden of Weeden. Hawthorne the cat, and the girls, Precious, Carmen and Budda, are enjoying my stay-cation with me.

We're having a heat wave!!

It has been a real struggle around here for about two weeks. my area of Oregon doesn't usually experience this kind of heat. The same can be said for the two feet of snow we got last December. It is some kind of weird karma... or just climate change... or just co-ink-i-dink.

The cucumbers, beans, raspberries and sunflowers love the heat though. me, not so much. i am definitely of the delicate flower variety. Yes, i am a wean.

The chickens are holding up well. i give them cantaloupe every afternoon and i have not been shutting them in at night. They seem quite happy to get up when they please and are content to wait for their breakfast until i get around to it. They get cottage cheese, shredded carrots, cucumbers and sprouts every morning. Yes, i know, they're spoiled. So? If you were sweet, entertaining and gave me eggs everyday i would spoil you as well.

Shifting gears, chickies and roos. i am on to healthcare reform. i am a single-payor advocate and i am only willing to settle for a strong public option if necessary. Despite the clean, simple, no hassle advantages to single-payor, despite the cost efficiency and true equality of single-payor, many Americans think that being over-charged, denied services and held hostage by insurance companies is the way to go. Oy...

OK, let's think this through, mi amigos. Do you think for-profit fire departments should be the way to go? Do you think for-profit police departments are the way to go? How about for-profit court systems? Do you think it moral to let someone's house burn down, perhaps with people in it, because they can't pay for fire services? And how sensible is it to let someone who is ill go uncared for? Really? If a person has swine flu, or TB (two very contagious diseases) does it make sense to deny them care? Of course not; you don't want those diseases to spread.

And how about cost. We all know that the larger the pool, the more costs can be spread out (Social Security) and that the large pool can negotiate lower prices by buying in bulk (Sam's Club anyone?). Yet we choose to pay more and deny care to some.

Some say we are a Christian nation; i don't believe this but for the sake of argument i'll go with that for a minute. WWJD, people. How Christian is it to deny healthcare to anyone? How Christian is it to worship the almighty dollar by the way. Isn't there something about worshiping false idols like money and flags in Christian tenets? Get a grip people!

While i'm on the subject of Christianity i'd like to know what Jesus/God thinks of people who think they don't have to take care of the earth that he is said to have given us to live on. What does he think of the way Christians treat fellow humans (non-Christians) that he is said to have made? i'm stopping now because i could go on and on about Christian hypocrisy and blood-letting; not that any other religions are better...

HEALTHCARE FOR ALL, mi amigos. It's the right thing to do.

Praise Goddess.

This is my Garden of Weeden (i know, it cheesy) last February

Late April: The Big Dig

Today, mi amigos, my chickies and roos, today

i finally bought batteries for my camera. These batteries are as expensive as film used to be. Jeez! So, the pictures are proof i don't just sit on my arse. No plush lawn here, there are weeds galore but there is also at least one tiny frog, maybe two. i take this as a victory. Any time i can provide habitat for frogs i pat myself on the back. Frogs need our tender loving care. Their kind are fighting hard to live in our ever degrading environment.

For the first six or seven years of the ninties i worked at a grocery store that was next to a large vacant lot. Every Spring the frogs would chirp and crock for about two weeks, maybe longer. i loved hearing them each spring. The vacant lot is now a learning center and the frogs have moved on. Granson L found one a couple weeks ago and was very excited and i found one yesterday. Then i saw another one. Now, it could be i saw the same one but they seems to be different colors. One was sandy brown and the other one was mossy green. i am going to error on the side of caution and say i have ONE frog for sure, but i have a sneaking feeling there are two. And, if you have read The Alchemist, then you know the Alchemist gave the Shepherd a truism which is: Of a thing that happens once, it probably will not happen again. But if a things should happen a second time, it is bound to happen a third.

i bet i see more frogs, chickies and roos. i'll keep you updated.

Son JR may be over later today. We are planning a dinner of pulled pork, green beans (from the garden) and corn on the cob. But there may be a hitch in the plans. He forgot he was suppose to help my parents move some stuff and evidently there have been 'delays'. i'm sure my Dad is frustrated; he planned to get this done early today. In fact, son MP left early this morning (9:30 is really early for MP, so i am assuming he wanted to make a short job of it as well). So the grandsons are helping their Grandpa get an annoying little chore out of the way and it has turned into an all day job. This is what i like to think of as 'bonding opportunities' for my sons.

It is almost 4pm so i am thinking i may be eating pulled pork by myself.

i want to make a shout-out to my brother RG. i hope he is reading my blog and i hope there will be comments on occasion. We live on opposite coasts and find it hard to find time to talk. By the time i am home from work, he is thinking about going to bed. Three hours are a lot of time to work around. He sent me a birthday card and i was so surprised, and thought it was so nice but by the time i get home, settle in, take care of the critters and such, i forget about making phone calls. When i do remember it is midnight on the east coast... oy.

We just need to decide to use the inner-tubes and the email to communicate. Which, of course, means i need to do my part.

That was a hint, chickies and roos. i have said enough for today and must compose an email to my brother.

Love and light!

A Ghost Filled Starlit Wedding of Two Brothers

The crescent moon watches the goings on ready to add to the rituals in any manner helpful. She has seen this many times. It has it's place in the cycles. In her wake the people ride the seasons of learning, working, playing and resting. This wedding, one of so many others like it, did have it's curiosity. Moon looked again at the smaller of the two brides.

Had no one noticed her translucence or her not quite erectness? Moon tried to catch a few more of Sun's rays to reflect on the little bride's face. She wanted to get a better look but she was also confident her reflected light would compliment the bride's inner glow. The wake and the indirect light; that is what Moon could add to the rituals.

Moon was sure now. The bride was well on her way to becoming a ghost. Fascinating, she thought.

Hey chickies and roos! Love you and missed you. i've been so busy (or lazy, as you see it) and have not written much lately. i have been reading. i am reading three books at the moment and i am anxious to start another... Oy.

The World According to Bertie, Alexander McCall Smith

Assassination Vacation, Sarah Vowell

Portland Noir, Various Authors

and since it is my birthday today, i took a chance on a hardcover called The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane, by Katherine Howe. It promises to be historical fiction that involves witches. A kind of Da Vince Code (i hope it is not a bad copy cat). But, first things first. i will finish what i have started.

Oy, and i need to get up and water the garden. Since it is almost dark the chickens will need tucking in, as well. The opening above is a little story i have dreamed up based on a painting i found at a second hand store. i will keep working on it so check back.

Love and light to all

Cynthia

If you or i had to pull the trigger to kill the death row convict, how long would we support the death penalty?

Who decides who gets healthcare? i know there are some sickos out there who would love the job for the power rush, but most fair thinking people would not want the job of deciding who gets healthcare and who does not. Do you want to be the one who tells a person they cannot see a doctor?

DC elites, who have fabulous healthcare by the way, think that they can devise a plan to portion it out to the rest of us. All those groups protecting what they feel are their entitlements; the American Medical Association, free-market capitalists, insurance cabals and money-hungry politicians, all so full of themselves that they refuse to see the destruction they are raining down on we... the PEOPLE.

Healthcare is a right! Again, i ask, who would you turn away? i have heard a lot of talk lately pointing to smokers, fat people, drug addicts, even sports enthusiasts as costing the tax payers more for healthcare. Yes, even those who live well and for a long time will cost us more as they spend years in old folks homes. This is an old trick, people! Turn someone into a devil and you can deny them anything. Now you have justification. NO, you cannot see a doctor, you unhealthy, sick person!

i know i need to communicate my opinions to my Senators, Congressman and the White House but i really need to create a script. i am too angry to be effective. i want to convey my displeasure without them writing me off as a whack job.

i'm the daughter of a mailman. i know government can work and work well. For 44 cents a mailman will come to your house, take your letter anywhere in the country and deliver it to the address on the envelope. 44 cents, people. The post office has been ridiculed for years but it really is an amazing operation.

Yes, chickies and roos, i am working out some demons today. (so what else is new, you say) Some things in life are not for profit. Who would you turn away?

i am such a bitch sometimes.  i know my boss is difficult and flaky, so why can't i just accept the difficulties that she causes?  Why do i feel the need to point out the absurdities?  i have never been good at playing games.  i am not a good liar and can't pretend a pink elephant is anything other than a pink elephant.  

So here i sit stressed out and feeling bad because i cannot just go along... just shut up and go along.  

Well i just walked away for a few minutes to hang with my grandson.  Since i don't want to bitch anymore, i'm going to end on a high note.

Love you chickies and roos.

i have never been as afraid of foreign terrorist as i have been of homegrown ones; namely those who profess to be protecting unborn babies.  There are plenty of people i am afraid of, like our government between 2000 and Jan. 20th 2009, like the police in Portland and like aggressive drivers but the people i fear the most are the self-righteous religious fanatics... of all strips.

i believe the reason congress will not give us single-payor healthcare is because they don't want to have a fight with those who want to keep women down.  That is the only way to put it. Barefoot and pregnant, is the old fashion phrase but it is the reality.  The men i know get very defensive when i speak up for women's rights.  There are a lot of reasons for that and i won't go into them but that keeps me from talking about women's rights in 'polite' company.  So many people, not just men, think the fight for our rights is over.  They are so wrong.  Roe v Wade is law but in practice women are denied their right to sovereignty over their own body by constricting access.  Equal pay for equal work is the law but we are not allowed to know the wages of fellow employee so we cannot confirm compliance to the law (another good reason to pass the card check law).

It occurred to me today that by law we protect the privacy of healthcare records (i work in medical billing and know the lengths we must go to protect medical records) but in the case of women's reproductive health all bets are off.  If a woman wants an abortion (for whatever reason) or wants birth control (either the pill or the morning after variety) she is subjected to a marathon of hurdles from healthcare professionals and pharmacists.  When it comes to a women's reproductive medical issues her privacy is lost.  She must seek cooperative professionals thus exposing her medical issue.  Where is equal protection?

i am mourning the assassination of Dr. Tiller and am having trouble processing it all.  i get so angry at people's deliberate ignorance.  Dr. Tiller performed late term abortions.  These types of abortions are agonizing decisions for the women involved but if you believe the lies of the righteous pro-lifers these women are callous baby killers who decide weeks before delivery that they no longer want the baby.  Holier-than-thous!  

There is a vigil here in Portland on Sunday at 6pm.  Go to Oregon Naral for more information.  i think i am going to go and maybe i will start volunteering at a women's health clinic.  Perhaps it's time to put my body where my mouth is.

Signing off in sorrow, chickies and roos,

Cynthia

Garden time, Espresso Tales and shame on the Washington elite

Hey chickies and roos!  Getting my garden going is consuming my time these days but it will soon be time to water, water, water and watch the plants grow.  It has been very warm this weekend, requiring me to hide inside during the heat of the day.

Last weekend was Memorial Day and i was determined to get some reading done so i read Alexander McCall Smith's latest installment of The Number One Ladies Detective Agency.  i love his books so much.  i savor them like a one savors a cup of great coffee.  His Espresso Tales series is wonderful as well.  i have been collecting his Isabelle Dalhousie books to take on one day.  

Most exciting of all, i was able to download podcasts for a new book that McCall Smith serialized at the Telegraph.  i am excited to go to work now, since i listen to podcasts while i work (after listening to Thom Hartmann, of course).

News in politics:  Sonia Sotomayor has been nominated by President Obama to the Supreme Court and she is being skewered by conservatives.  It is what they do... idiots.  If they keep it up long enough they will have alienated every possible voting group.  So, of course, i hope they keep it up.

The usual parsing of the candidates spoken or written words is the first shot.  What really pisses me off is that the media perpetuates the parsing by repeating it in the form of questions to 'panelists'. They don't play the whole clip so that the audience can hear it for themselves; they play a clip of Rush or Newt repeating a small portion of a statement she has made.

The best i can figure is that she is fairly neutral politically.  She is not liberal or conservative.  i would have preferred an unabashed liberal but Obama is not a liberal so i suppose i shouldn't be surprised.

Speaking of Obama, i have never expected him to be perfect but his lack of action on gays in the military has me very disappointed.  And, my former senator from Montana, Max Baucus, is downright shameful.  He refuses to let single payor advocates in on the healthcare legislation hearings.  He and so many others are refusing to allow single payor to be part of the process.  This means, chickies and roos, that our government is going to pass a healthcare bill that will institutionalize profits for healthcare companies.  The same healthcare companies that refuse people due to 'previously existing conditions' are now going to profit off the goverment teat. Now the poor will be forced to buy healthcare, taking money they barely have and giving it to healthcare companies.  i am so disgusted and so disappointed in Obama.  Max Baucus and President Obama have great healthcare but don't think my grandson should have it, unless, of course, his parents miraculously come up with a way to pay for it.  

Per usual, i am mad as a wet hen.  i don't know what i expected from the Washington elite.  i guess i thought things would change but Obama is slowly but surely turning into one.  What a disappointment. Shame on you Obama, shame on you Max Baucus, shame on Republican, shame on all of them.

Stay-cation is about over... happy gardener going back to work tomorrow

i can't show you pictures cause the camera has a dead battery, but the yard, garden boxes and coop are starting to come together. i waited five days for P to till a small plot for my sunflowers with a motorized tiller but to no avail. So, this morning i did it by hand between rain showers.

i am days away from chamomile tea. The two small starts i potted have taken off, are about 3 feet tall and already blooming. There are three kinds of lavender in the yard; french, spanish and english. i should have a really nice sunflower patch. i'm really excited about harvesting the seeds this fall. i found a great recipe for roasting the seeds. The trick is boiling the seeds before baking them. i hope to have five or six mammoth heads to harvest. For Solstice, i will give little packets of roasted sunflower seeds in honor of the returning light.

Shush... don't tell anyone that i'm going all pagan on their asses.

You know, chickies and roos, i am very tired. It is almost 11:30 and i need to get to bed.

Love and light mi amigos.
C

The audacity of hope, mi amigos, the audacity of hope

So my camera is needs a new battery already. i have to completely rethink how i use it. The battery does not seem to last too long and at $10 to $15 a pop, it is not even practical. i must be missing something. There is a camera shop near my work so i guess i'll be visiting them soon.

i am really enjoying my stay-cation. Much relaxing and many chores taken care of; not too bad. Tomorrow i am going to do one of my favorite things.... second-hand store shopping. Ohhh, i wonder what treasure i will find? Oh, and Craft Warehouse; i picked up a soldering tool today from a mark-down bin and want to see what i can do with it. So, i want to go by Craft Warehouse and stroll around and see what project i can come up with.

Today is Sunday and i almost always watch the talking heads. It is "try to deflect attention about torture from the Bush/Darth/Rummy/Rice/Yu cabal to Nancy Pelosi" week. I guess i understand, it's worse to NOT report torture than to actually DO torture.
And, what if she had reported it? Do you remember what it was like in 2003ish? If Nancy Pelosi had learned of torture going on and had gone public she would have been accused of treason. i forget who, but a senator learned of the illegal wire tapping going on long before it went public, and knew he could not go public because he would be charged with divulging secrets by the Bush cabal and Homeland Security so he composed a letter of objection and locked it in his safe. He could not even tell his staff.

And here we are in 2009 and now we are being subjected to a kind of 'blame the victim' game by the conservatives. If they can create a firestorm around, preferably a democrat, they can BLAME THE DEMOCRATS FOR TORTURE i can heare them now, "You Democrats didn't stop us, so it's your fault".

Oy....

i really hope we have learned our lesson and that people will see through this tactic. My personal audacity of hope.

Hey, chickies and roos, i know this is all boring and i am actually relaxed and enjoying my stay-cation so i hate to end on a sour note. The audacity of hope, mi amigos, the audacity of hope.

Love and light to you.

Hey, chickies and roos! Sorry for the lack of postings. The big dig in my back yard is still a work in progress and it is keeping me from my garden work. i still have sunflowers, watermelon and maybe cucumbers (if the seeds don't sprout soon) to plant. Oh, and the raspberries to wire up.

i am on 'stay-cation' until Wednesday and doing a lot of yard and garden work. Love it. i will post more tomorrow, maybe post some pictures (if the yard begins to look nice and organized). The Sunday shows are on in the morning so i may have some things to say about politics.... per usual.

Now it's late and my internet has been out for a day or so i just wanted to reach out to all of you ...(two people?).

Tomorrow, chickies and roos! Love and light, mi amigos. Solstice approaches.

Dick!

Don't watch Darth Cheney! Refuse to tune into his interviews. Please, people, just turn your back on the man. Shame him. Persona non-grada.

Nuf said.

Big digs

Son P has taken on the project of putting in a retaining wall. (Why is he being so nice?) Looks good, don't you think? The new nesting box is in as well. i pretty much had a lazy weekend (no guilt). i really couldn't get much done with P's project going on.

Well, chickies and roos, i really am tired but i wanted to get pictures posted of the wall. We only had to buy a dozen new bricks because we reused bricks from a faux wall out front. As you know if you read me much, i love, love, love reusing. The new nesting box was made out of a salvaged shipping crate, a few screws, and some leftover primer. Nice!

i know i haven't blogged much about politics lately. i hope i don't disappoint, mi amigos. i will say that i think John McCain is performing contortions any acrobat would admire, in order to justify torture. We must atone, chickies and roos. That's the only way to truly do the right thing. Face the truth and atone. Cause and effect, cause and effect, cause and effect... karma, tit for tat, yin and yang, E=MC2... The only way to stop a destructive cycle is with forgiveness. But, forgiveness is not ours to give. It is ours to request only. Atone, hope for forgiveness and refuse to continue the cycle. Sounds so simple...

Maybe that's why P is being so nice.

Love and light my friends!

Some after and before pictures and chickens on a wire

Hey chickies and roos,
i've been working so hard in my yard that i am about worn out. Above are some before and after pictures plus one of Budda and Precious on the crossbeams of the old canopy (the one that collapsed under the weight of 18" of snow last December). The canopy is down now. The corner posts are going to be turned into supports for another shade cover. i'll make it using a piece of my brother's old shed that he deconstructed. The new nesting box is almost done. i'll post pictures tomorrow.
The other pictures above are of the front (weed) garden before and after and my watering area before and after. P wants me to plant corn so i told him he had to get the front mess all ready and he did. Tomorrow i will plant corn and pumpkins.
i've got the compost area set up using the bales of straw that i put around the coop for the winter. i could not have done it without P and T, pictured at top. The bales were a ton, being wet to the core from snow and rain. i got that picture of them while they took a well deserved rest in the shade.

OK, enough for today. More to tomorrow, chickies and roos. Love you...

i'm on vaca chickies and roos

That's pretty much all i have to say. Four days off and the sun is gonna shine. I'll be checking in.

Radish sprouts! and dying lettuce...

i have radish sprouts! No sign of peas yet and my lettuce has been eaten by some kind of larva or worm. i think they fell from the tree next door. i got pictures of what looked to be a newly hatched butterfly (see here) a week or ten days ago. i think this is related, but what do i know.

So, i need to rethink the lettuce. We are due for fabulous weather this weekend and i think i am going to take a long weekend from work so i can work around the house. Yahoo! i'm also taking a longer weekend in May.

i'm in the process of converting a shipping crate into a new nesting box for the chickens. i'll post pictures this weekend.

Ooh, i'm getting excited. i love being home and futzing around the house and yard. i get up with the chickens everyday. i have to. They need to come out of their coop at daylight so... Going back to bed never seems to happen even though i tell myself to go for it. A nice breakfast and some coffee, and i'm ready to go. i'm such a gooner (gooner means nerd/not cool).

Thank you for your prayers or candle lighting for my friend D. She sounds more grounded now and she sounds like light has gotten into some of her corners. Hey D! Love you.

i just talked to P. i hope to get his help on some projects around here. He has lost his job like so many others, and i think he should keep busy. He probably does not appreciate my thoughts on this. Love you P.

Signing off chickies and roos,
C

I cannot put in words how much i love this

OMG!

I watched this three times and cried every time.

I need a prayer for a friend. Light a candle, please, or call on a spirit helper.

Take my hand Debbie.  I won't let go. 

Garden boxes and butterflies

i'm not sure i have anything interesting to say today but i have not posted in a few days so i feel like i should check in.

The weather was AMAZING last weekend and i got my garden boxes put back into shape for the season. Here are the before and after pictures but i'm not sure you can tell the difference.

In the other box, i planted lettuce, Walla Walla onions, radishes, and peas.  P is doing the hard work of tilling up the front yard and i will plant corn.  Don't get me wrong, i am not taking out grass to plant corn.  There is a large space between our front doors that was overgrown with old bushes and such.  It had basically become a weed patch.  The problem with it was that the bushes had gnarly root balls that were really hard to get out, as well as, layers of plastic weed blocker.  He is prepping it on the promise that i will grow corn (and pumpkins between the rows of corn).  i would normally not grow corn because it takes too much space for too few ears, but i would do just about anything to get that patch cleaned up.

This weekend the weather is not going to be so cooperative, so i will start my cucumber indoors.  i plan to grow cucs, beans and carrots in the box pictured above.  i had good luck with cantalope last year so i'm going to try them again in the ends of the raspberry boxes.  With sunflowers galore in the corner patch, i ought to keep busy all summer.  

i got a picture of this butterfly that looked freshly hatched from it cocoon.  The body was still fuzzy and i followed it around for awhile until it's wings dried and it flew away.

Later chickies and roos!

For the Ages, for Debbie and for mystery

Mystery is the word today.  All the knowledge of humanity is tiny compared to all we don't yet understand... mystery.  How many lifetimes do i need to learn and do all there is to know and do?

The answer to that is one more mystery.

The future is another mystery but one can use what is understood about consequences to understand what the future holds.  The whole Earth Hour thing has me thinking about my contribution to climate change and what positive effect i could possibly have.  Since my grandson was born four years ago, i have tried to think in terms of generations like Native Americans.  

What ever i sacrifice will leave more for him.  That's been my thinking and my motivation to conserve, to sacrifice and to re-think how i do everything.

The problem is i really think the planet and humanity (all life on earth) is in for a long hard road.  i think it's all gone too far.  Humanity has not learned the lesson of the Native Americans.  We live for now, there are far too many of us and we poo in our nests.  We're dirty, indulgent and short term thinkers.  

What we need to do for the planet will probably not be felt by our grandchildren but if we do what we need to do, our efforts could make life possible for the seventh generation.  

I do it for the Ages.  i've got to teach that to my grandson because we will probably not see the results of our efforts.  The audacity of hope, our president would say.  i have to hope my efforts, my children's efforts, and my grandchildren's efforts will pay off.

In other news, my long lost friend Debbie got in touch with me.  i owe her an email but i know she is checking in here so... "Hi Deb! Love you, girl." 

There is too much to talk to her about in this posting so i will control myself.  Oh, and i will now have to join Facebook.  My friend, Wynd is already there and Deb says she has a page so i guess i will have to set myself up now.  i'll keep you informed.

Mi amigos, chickies and roos, it has gotten late while i sat here composing this post, so i must go but i leave you with the picture above and the link to a former post of mine that, i think, explains a lot about me.  

Prodigal parents, Google Earth and snotty Earth Hour rant

The prodigal parents have returned and here they are with my brother, his daughter and Mom and Dad's new dog, Emmie.  i might have that name wrong but the dog is sweet as can be.  Just one tiny ball of love.

i've wanted to post many times since my last entry but could not for one reason or another.  

i still haven't heard from my friend Debbie in Belgium.  Hi Debbie (or Barbara Morgana)!  Yoohoo!  Email me girlfriend.

Earth Hour tomorrow.  Yes, that exercise in global, we are oneness, in the name of spread the word about climate change.  i don't mean to be snotty but it's been obvious to me for a long time that we need to consume less.  First law: Reduce.  Then, Reuse, reuse, reuse. And then recycle, mi amigos.

How 'bout we power down everyday for one hour.  Require it.  Force everyone to purposely power down their life.  I'm not talking hospitals etc. or even your refrigerator but lights, TV, internets.  

i found instructions on the internets for building a solar panel and a wind turbine and i really want to build one.  They each cost less than $200.  i want to build a panel and run P's shed with it. Then build  a turbine to run a heating system for the coop.

i live in the ultimate windy city, right at the mouth of the Columbia Gorge (Google Earth that for a fun time).  The wind blows out of the gorge at this spot on the Columbia River like a wind tunnel.  Perfect for homemade wind turbines.

Google Earth is my new fun friend.  i googled my house, the town i was born in, where i went in Mexico...  Time stood still and i had to be made to stop.  

We have a long rainy weekend ahead and i haven't made a plan.  i like to plan my weekends.  i guess i do want to do the usual cleaning but beyond that i don't know.

Perhaps i will post.

Later chickies and roos.  

The Rand Illusion

Check out the link to Stephen Colbert giving us "The Word". The clip starts with a commercial, sorry, and is about 5 minutes long.  i have never read the book that is the bible of the far right, Ayn Rand's, Atlas Shrugged.

i never felt the need.  i had always heard about it and thought it was a book that would be a waste of time for me... and i think i made the right decision.  Life is too short.

If you want to understand where the right is coming from, or who Ayn Rand is or what Atlas Shrugged is about, then watch the clip.  

i wish i had understood this earlier.  A whole cult like group grew out of Ayn Rand's livingroom, including Alan Greenspan.  Ronald Reagan was also a devotee.  

Sorry, Chickies and Roos.  i don't want to be a downer.  Check out the clip and laugh and learn.

Check out Ricky Gervais and Elmo... Hilarious

John Stewart eats Cramer for lunch

OMG!  Jon Stewart's interview with Jim Cramer (CNBC) was so hard to watch.  The battle began here.  Last week he railed about the commentators on CNBC who are contributing to the world's economic woes and the thing blew up into a huge 'battle' between Stewart and Cramer.

Tonight Cramer went on The Daily Show to defend himself and he was so self-deprecating.  So much so that it came off as desperate.  He wanted off the hook so badly, and i think he thought that if he came on and acted all, 'I make mistakes', 'I should have seen these things coming', 'I'm working with the government to find these criminals', that Stewart would be contented.  

Jon called him on all of it.  Jon aired clip after clip showing just how Cramer gave advice on how to manipulate the market at the expense of regular people's retirement accounts.  He pointed out how we are all told that we should invest our money for the long term, how we should grow our money slow and steady.  But CNBC and the commentators are telling the market players how to make quick dollars in ethically challenged or outright illegal ways.

It was amazing.  Check it out.  And here and here.

Mexico memories

The souls in robes in the plants that grow

i got two blasts from the past today.  Knock me over with a feather!  My friend Debbie from my old 'Warriors of Light' Yahoo group sent me an invite to her page at Windows Live.  I had to sign up for an account (i hate that - now i will get bunches of unwanted email).  My friend Wynd prefers her Facebook page but i don't want to sign up for an account there.  i probably will in the end.  Although, i can call her or go over to her house so i don't feel an urgent need to join Facebook.

The other amazing event today was an email from Kim Antieau after she read an email from me that i sent her over 4 years ago.  She reminded me of an old favorite saying i had relayed to her in the email.  I began following her blog then and still do today.  

i can't believe i forgot The souls in robes in the plants that grow.  i talk to my stuff; my computer, my garden tools, the car etc, as well as plants.  i also talk to my friends and family who have passed.  Don't get me wrong, i'm not John Edward, i just talk to them when they come to mind.  Speaking of, Wynd, Mark has been coming to mind lately.  And i realized that i am mad at him for the grief he caused in his death.  i understand that these things take on a different tone on the other side but i haven't completely put it away.

For now, i await an email from my long lost friend, Debbie and i look forward to Kim's new blog experience.  

Speaking of souls i love, my hens are in for a very cold night.  i thought about plugging in the heat lamp but they dislike it so much i decided not to do it.  i probably worry about them more than i need to.  OK, i know i worry about them more than i need to.  Some days the only happiness i feel is from my critters, they keep me going.

Later, chickies.

Love and kisses.

Hot flashes: surprising climate change cure

i have been having hot flashes almost constantly this week.  i throw the covers off at night and then pull them back over me a few minutes later when i suddenly feel icy cold... Oy!

i probably cursed myself when i had the thought a week or two ago that my hot flashes seemed to be abating.  Should have knocked wood.

Today is a beautiful spring-like day but snow is in the forecast for Sunday.  In the very wintery Montana, where i grew up, a day like today would be labeled false spring.  That is to say, it feels like spring, looks like spring, and even says spring on the calendar but it is NOT spring.

Here in Oregon, we have very long springs.  It starts to come on as early as February and doesn't really end until mid to late June (just as soon as our annual Portland Rose Festival ends).  Winter is rainy but spring is rainier.  As soon as Rose Festival is over the clouds part and summer begins.  We jokingly call ourselves slugs for this reason.  And as a result, we wilt like we've been salted when summer finally arrives.  The temperature hits 70 degrees and we all go running to find our moth-balled air conditioners.  

Actually, i bought my first air conditioner only two summers ago.  i was determined not to get one for so long.  It is a device that is only needed a few weeks a year. To be sure, i am stingy about using it but i still feel sheepish about it.  If the thermometer hits 80 degrees, i turn into a big lazy whiner.

i guess i can't win for losing.  i whine when it's too cold and whine when too hot.  

On another topic, i got my taxes done today.  Yahoo!  That chore is done for another year.  i will see a small refund from both federal and state and as much as i want to save it, most of it will probably get spent.  i do pride myself on spending my meager refunds on my house or on things that have some kind of return.  Last year i built garden boxes and set up my chicken enterprise (enterprise?  like some kind of profit making something-or-another?  Yeah, right).

This year i want to build a reliable, workable compost bin, insulate the floors, get a energy-efficient dryer, build a deck off my back porch, install solar panels and a wind turbine and buy a Smart car.... that's all.  $1000 ought to cover it, right?

A girl can dream.  Oh, and i want the new Brett Dennen album and the new Alexander McCall Smith's, Number One Ladies Detective Agency novel.

Oy!  It's the hot flashes talking.  i'll get the novel and the album and the compost bin and i'll get my old non-energy-efficient dryer fixed.   I will send some more money to Kiva and save some of my refund.  That's the big plan, chickies!  Exciting, isn't it.

i know i haven't blogged much about politics lately.  It is my favorite topic but i've tried to back off just a little.  President Obama is impressive but in no way perfect.  For right now, i am willing to give him room to work.  Our Oregon legislature is now in Democratic hands and they are busy righting the wrongs of the Republican dominated previous decade.  Like Obama, Oregon Democrats have devastating messes to clean up.  It is almost too much to handle.  

i am basically a pessimist (so not suited for public office) but i really hope the optimists carry the day, so to speak.  In my hot flash fed nightmares, it is already too late to fix climate change, my grandson will get an even lousier education than his step-siblings, and the economy is already f**ked beyond repair.  Now there's a insight into my psyche that should keep you at arm's length.  

Beware!!  Hot flashing crone spews her nightmarish scenarios!  Now there's a blog worth reading. Huh?  Excited, aren't you.  

Love you chickies!  i'm off to create some economic stimulus by spending my gigantic refund check.

New toy

Pictures of the girls and two boys.

My grandson Lincoln, Hawthorne the cat, Holley the dog and chickens, Budda, Carmen and Precious.  

The new toy, of course, is the camera.  i have much to learn so i won't bore readers with lots of pictures of my critters.  In future, i will only post photos when they are worth looking at, but i played around with it and used the critters as guinea pigs.  The yard is not photogenic right now.  Winter has scoured and battered her but only three weeks until i can begin planting peas and onion and lettuce.  

Got run.  Lincoln is here for a visit.

No Guilt posting

i spent yesterday catching up on my Netflix so, per usual, i feel guilty for not getting more productive things done.  Of course, one could argue that my Netflex IS productive.  

MUST HAVE ART!  

Today, i am wasting away more hours blogging.  No Guilt Zone, chicks and roos.  Today is no guilt blogging day.

Before i leave the whole Netflix thing, i have a recommendation.  Bear in mind that my movie and TV series recommendations are usually rejected by my friends and family, so you can't hurt my feelings if you don't agree with me in these areas (maybe politics but not art).  Robson Arms is a Canadian television production that i think is very good.  If you have ever watched Tales of the City you will know immediately the kind of genre i'm talking about.  i am looking forward to watching the second season.  Also check out another Canadian series called, Slings and Arrows.  Excellent!  Do not let your Shakespeare phobia stop you from watching this series.  OK, ok, enough.  Movin on.

i now am the owner of a camera.  It is a gift from the company i have worked for for ten years. No doubt you will all be exposed to my photographic impulses in the next week.  Don't expect too much.  There is a lot to learn.  Oh my gosh, it is going to take me awhile to learn how to use it as well as how to run the photo program on the computer.  Yeah, i don't have enough going on with spring cleaning, banishing and garden planning to do.  my parents are coming home next month so i will have them coming and going.  

i will be happy to see them but i always worry about having my house just so when they are around.  i won't burden you with my parent/child behavioral quirks.  Suffice to say, i fall short of my expectations which are probably not those of my parents but i always feel like my house and yard are not up to snuff for them.

The sun has finally come out and who knows how long it will last here in western Oregon. Mind you, it is still pretty cold, too cold to do any real yard work.  But, i still get the itch to get out there.  i am also resisting the urge to brood another chick or two this spring.  P wants me to, but i've decided to wait until next year to add to my flock.  i am going to redesign the nest boxes in the coop so i'll keep you posted on that.  i'll do pictures!

i've met J's new friend and like her very much.  They came over last Sunday and i talked her ear off.  i did it for a couple of reasons; nervousness for sure but also because i love to talk politics and such and i talk a lot as compensation for spending much of my time alone.  As i've said before, i am not lonely, i like my own company but good conversation is fun too.  i don't want to jinx anything so i won't talk about J and C except to say first blush is positive.

It is about time to get my taxes done.  This is not only necessary but a part of my whole Spring cleaning-pay old debts-banish negative influences-wrap my home in protection before i plant my garden plan.  i have work to do to get ready to do my taxes, Oy.

Lists will be needed, chicks and roos.  And a plan of attack.  And that is exactly what i am off to do now, mi amigos.  

Imbolc hiaku

"Brigid," i intone,

"Banish winter's stale dark days

and sweep earth awake."

Spring Cleaning will be early this year

Oh, sisters and bros, chickies and roos, this old crone is mad as a wet hen.

i got a call today from someone at the city, who informed me that our small pile of stuff awaiting spring cleaning to be distributed to recycling centers, second hand stores and the dump must be moved.  An anonymous complaint, is what he called it.  i am not to know my complainer's name and i must comply or eventually go before a judge.

i checked out this pile of stuff when i got home from work.  There is a broken chair, a big plastic car thing my grandson has outgrown, a couple old BBQ liquid gas cans (empty, of course) and some other things. This stuff is all packed around the camper, half hidden to the street.

And!  And, he dared threaten me.  He said my attitude could determine the level of pressure the city might decide to exert.  i question authority and authority gets a harassment orgasim.  

Drama Queen?  i don't care what this is.  i'm mad and i'm not apologizing for it.  This guy had a list!!  And pictures.... OMG!  He came onto my property, made a list and took pictures!!

Is that even legal?  Ahhhhhhhhhgggg!

Don't give up on me yet, mi amigos.  i decided on my way home to let this go and move my spring cleaning up a month or so.  Listen to this.  When i got home i picked up my yet unread Llewellyn calendar and gazed down to see a whole page of banishment spells.  

Girlzzz i am going to do some banishment spellwork.  Spring cleaning and banishment spells; i am pumped!

Wynd?  Are you there?  Hey girl, it's been awhile since we've done ritual.  Whatdaya say?  i feel my witchy groove coming back.  Let's harness some Goddess energy and kick some butt!

Political correction alert!  i am a peaceful, simple-life-loving, live and let live kinda gal so don't get me wrong.  No kicked butts will be harmed during banishment making.

FNL and Battlestar

i am going to watch the TV machine tonight.  i normally watch Public Television on Friday nights (lots of politics - big surprise), but tonight i will sit down and watch Friday Night Lights and Battlestar Galactica.  Yes, i am a gooner.

FNL is not a show for teenagers.  It is a totally adult program.  Real people, real Texans (it's a different world in Texas), and (cover your eyes, Mom) hunky boy-men.  OK, ok the coach is hunky and he is a grown-up man, but that Riggins reminds me of my younger, sexual self... back in the day, when i cared to have dirty thoughts.

Snap out of it cynthia!!!

Yeah, OK, yeah, it's a good program.  Trust me.  There is a lot more to it than hunky men.  The women are real and strong, proud and capable.  Texas is so NOT politically correct though.  

The main characters are great and even honorable but then there is the underbelly of their community.  For instance, each football player gets a 'girl' for the year.  She performs tasks for her player.  Doing his homework is one thing, providing sex is another.  These girls are slaves to their players.  It's disturbing but real.  Sad.  Then there is the drinking.  Lots of alcohol for the players, pretty much on demand.

Battlestar Galactica is so amazing. The story lines are thought provoking and layered.  Religion and politics are prominent but so is racism.  Women have equality, it's not even questioned.  i don't remember a plot point that deals with women being held back in anyway.  They deal with war and torture, the military and it's rules vs the government and it's necessities.  

They worship gods.  They say, "Thank gods" or "Gods bless".  They say "frack" instead of f**k.  And they say it a lot. They have good reason.

Hey, FNL is starting.  Time to skeedaddle, mi amigos.  Tomorrow...

How i feel today

Yesterday was joyful and exhausting.  i'm having a hard time describing my feelings.  

I mostly watched CNN and i guess they won the rating wars.  i like MSNBC as well but the CNN coverage was the one i settled on.  i feel bad for MSNBC because i watch Keith and Rachel all the time.  It was them among others that got me through the last years. So, sorry K and R.

No one is talking much about it but i am really curious about the LACK of pardons by GW. Doesn't that leave his advisers vulnerable to prosecution?  It would be one thing to investigate the Bush Administration but i really thought that GW would insure they did not see the inside of a jail.  There are a few ways you could look at this.  GW is very sure of his innocence out of arrogance or a stacked Supreme Court.  Or, GW doesn't think Obama will actually pursue any prosecutions.  Maybe GW feels that his advisers and others are responsible for his failures and this is his way of stickin it to them.

The last one is my favorite but probably not the reality.  If it was true, i could actually kinda, sorta appreciate him... for that one thing... that one single thing.  They are locking up the records for 50 years and i am livid about that.  They can justify this but i think it provides a way to cover crimes.  That law needs to be modified.  You can't cloak people in power so they are not accountable.  Power must be checked and regulated.  Our founders tried to set up our government so there would be checks and balances.  

Our government is out of balance.  Congress cowered for 8 years and did not fulfill their constitutional obligations.  The presidency has been given too much power and the Supremes are there to defend their ideology.  

Alas, from here we must move forward.  Yes, and i do pledge, Mr. President, to work harder, sacrifice more, to help in more ways and to set a good example.  i liked that he asked us to grow up.  i think it would be nice, if being an adult could be considered cool again.

That word 'cool' worked to convey my meaning in the last sentence but i use it sparingly.  i think the whole 'being cool' thing is problematic.  i don't really want to get into this too much today but 'being cool' or pursuing 'the cool' is responsible for a lot of dysfunction.  For example; one might not follow a path that is right for them, and will instead, follow the 'cool' path.  This is how teenagers operate.  Another example is the way we buy and wear clothes.  Name brands are a must and then there is the wearing of clothes inappropriately.  Over-dressing, under-dressing, pants that don't cover your ass or heals on a winter day.  You're not cool, your a lemming.

Enough of that.  That is a topic for another day.  

This post today is not very uplifting considering the hopefulness we are suppose to be feeling but i am feeling serious.  That said, i also feel a weight lifted.  i am in the habit of censoring myself, fearing the Bushies, but i can drop that now.  

Lastly, for today, i am truly surprised that the Bushies are gone.  i fully expected a coup.  i did not think they would give up power.  Yes, they are gone but they left behind a mess.  A huge steaming pile of a mess.  And, they stole our treasure.  And, our planet, is it too late?

Sorry for the downer post mi amigos.  This is how i feel today.

President Barack Hussein Obama

Too tired to post today except to say that joy in the morning and yard work in the afternoon make a crone weary.

The wind oh the wind

It is Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  i love this day.  i always have.  There is something special in it for me.  This year with the Inauguration following on it's heals, it feels even more special.

When i read moonroot's blog this morning i intrigued by her comments about the change she feels in the air.  i felt it too around the Solstice.  In the middle of a snow storm, so rare for us, i felt this strong feeling of having turned a page.  You know, i don't know what the new page says but i want to find out.  

Not only do i love MLK's day but i love Inauguration Day this year.  There was a time when i would not have ruled out a coop by Bush Co.  A complete and utter take-over...  So, i am feeling much relief that again, in our nation, we will have a peaceful transfer of power.  It happens so often now, all over the world, that it is commonplace.  Just two hundred years ago humanity had only a few, failed examples of this phenomenon.  Our founding fathers really were going on faith... hope.  Hope that they could construct a method to produce this crazy idea of 'transfer of power'.  

The winds of change continue to blow.  Literally, or is it figuratively, anyway, the wind here does not want to stop.  It was suppose to end yesterday but continues today.  Everything is getting torn up by it.  So, clean up is rescheduled for tomorrow.  Busy day tomorrow.  

i love the smell of Inauguration in the morning.

February 2nd on-line poetry slam

Check out this on-line poetry slam.  

Feel free to copy the following to your blog and spread the word.  Let poetry bless the blogosphere once again!

WHAT: A Bloggers (Silent) Poetry Reading

WHERE: Your blog

WHY: To celebrate the Feast of Brigid, aka Groundhog Day

HOW: Select a poem you like - by a favorite poet or one of your own - to post February 2nd.

RSVP: If you plan to publish, feel free to leave a comment and link on this post.  Last year when the call went out there was more poetry in cyberspace than I could keep track of.  So, link to whoever you hear about this from and a mighty web of poetry will be spun.

Feel free to pass this invitation on to any and all bloggers.  Thank you, Reya, for beginning what is now an annual event.

OK, Chickies, let's get writing.  You know how much i like a nice haiku.  Or, post an old favorite.

i got this idea from moonroot.  She has a great blog.  i feel like i know her somehow.    

Hot Mash and Inauguration warm a windblown day

The Columbia Gorge winds have been howling for a couple days now.  My yard is tore up and will be getting my attention tomorrow.  i've got fences to tack back up first.  Wow, i'm telling ya, the wind can blow here.  That said, there are 'wind events' that get names around here.  Now, i don't know if this one is getting a name or not because i haven't had the news on for a couple days.

Being the gooner i am, i am glued to CNN and MSNBC.  All Inauguration, all the time.  

(think John Stewert here) ..."LOVE IT!"

i predict joy headaches by Tuesday noon.  

I gave the girls Hot Mash this morning.  i think they like it.  Carmen preferred it to the coveted cottage cheese.  Budda took to it as well.  Hurray!  Makes me happy.  But dear Precious maintained her devotion to the usual morning fair.  i brought home a pot of wheat grass and thought they might like it.  i thought it would continue to grow but they cleaned it out. 

Lesson learned?  A two dollar pot of wheat grass is a once-in-awhile treat, not a steady diet.

Later chickies.

  

Curmudgeon Queen blows off steam

i've got to get back to my work, here in this cube among a hundred other cubes, in an office with no windows, in the middle of a Portland winter when the sun can barely pass through the clouds.

i copied the sentence above from my last post.  i kind of like it.  One might be right to think i could have at least edited it first.  But no, i thought it, i wrote it, i felt it.

Things are out of sync. me for sure; i'm out of sorts but things are not right at work.  i need to compartmentalize like some can do.  Bill Clinton could do it, i've heard.  i need a work compartment; a place to go and put on my "professional" uniform, so to speak.  That is how he governed while defending himself against impeachment, how he ran for president while being exposed for having an affair.  Compartmentalize.  Be a good soldier. Focus.

 

Many people would be glad for my job; i really am more grateful than i sound.  They would be all about doing what was necessary to secure and keep the job. Stick your tongues back in your mouths, mi amigos.  i know how much you want my job!  Quit drooling!  

Job loss anxiety.  That is one element of what's going on with me.  Couple that with weirdness at work.  Rob, my buddy, got fired a few weeks ago... more jitters.  i can overreact on occasion.  Ok, Wynd, i hear you.  Queen of Curmudgeon... yeah, i know.  Drama Queen, that's me, right?

Still, i trust my instinct/intuition.  Something is not right and i know i am an odd duck.  Really.  i get it and i don't mind.  i don't mind because I LIKE ME.  But odd ducks make some people nervous.  And in weird times... oh, i don't know.  

So, that is why compartmentalization would be a great skill.  Just be a soldier.  Take your orders. Carry them out. Do your job.  Put your smile mask on, wash your hands, you're done.

I have done this many times in the past.  Why is it different now?  The company knows i'm odd, why now do they want me to pretend to be 'professional'.  Real professionals got to finish college.  Real professionals have careers.  i have a job.  i like my job, but it is just a job.  

My job is the tool i use to pay for the rest of my life.  That's what i've always said.  I like the bargain i have struck.  Perhaps my company no longer sees me as an asset.  

Am i making any sense at all?  i'm rambling. What's my point?   

Weirdness at work + financial meltdown + SAD + Curmudgeon thing = Job Loss Anxiety.

So...