Hen Interrupted

i'm finding it hard to blog because i don't know who i'm blogging to and i'm a bit of a loner.  i don't really understand people; hell, most of the time, i don't understand myself.

i accept my losses as best i can and i expect to experience failure cause life is mostly learning from failure.

i wish i was a faster learner and had more stick-to-it-tiveness, but my go-it-alone attitude and ability to teach myself just about anything i decide to learn are strengths.

If this blog was a private journal i would probably still have trouble writing my thoughts out.  i have the reader in the back of my head...ALWAYS.  i never kept a diary for that reason.  

i like writing and i always have.  i wrote for my college newspaper and even spent a term as editor. i fantasize about writing but don't do it enough.  The fiction i write is usually a kind of magical realism, love it!  But the fiction i read is so much better that i can't help but compare mine to it.

So, i don't want to write about my private matters and i don't feel up to exposing my fiction to the one or two readers that drop by; what the hell am i doing here?

i guess cause i'm a loner but not a hermit and my soul likes to write despite the fears and feelings of inadequacy.

So, what do i want to say and who am i saying it to?  Before the election i could rage about the state of our country.  i was speaking my rage, not caring who was listening.  i know the election means our work has just begun.  But were working toward something now, not watching the destruction of our way of life.  

OMG!  i have nothing to bitch about!  hehehe

For sure, i no longer feel that tightness in my chest.  i was in pain for a week after the election from joy.  Joy hurts... not that i'm complaining.  Letting myself relax and allowing myself to believe that we really had stepped back from the edge was hard on my body and mind. 

An now i have nothing to say.

Talk to ya next time chickies.  

Love