Is it memory or imagination

Back to work tomorrow, mi amigos, mi chickies and roos. i found this piece i wrote a few years ago and find that i still like it. i might take it out, dust it off and expand on it. Let me know what you think.

I remember the beat of the drums driving my soul back to the time when I easily talked to Mother Moon and Father Sun. The pulse of the drums seemed to match my heartbeat; or did my heartbeat match the drums? My legs pounded the ground and shuffled the dance I had been taught. Later, I lost touch with the present and went to the other world. Wolf always met me and we danced together. 

I remembered my life with Wolf and began to tremble. I couldn't talk. Tears began to fall from my ashen face. I leaned against a nearby wall for support. What was happening to me? 

Then I knew. I was torn away from my tribe and enslaved. I never danced again. I could never perform a purification ritual again, let alone lead my people to Mother Moon and Father Sun. I tried to call for Wolf to help me but she was gone. I didn't see her again until I died. 

She was waiting there for me and I cursed her for abandoning me. I cursed my people for abandoning me. They hadn't rescued me. Wolf had not even come to me in my dreams. Why? I turned my back and then I became the one who abandoned. 

For a few centuries I didn't look for Wolf. I wandered in and out of lives, never really caring about myself or others. I was bitter and turned my back on others who tried to love me. When I was a man I was mean and when I was a woman I was cold. 

Once when I was orphaned, a woman took me in. She was kind and patient with me and she waited for me to soften. She taught me to be a daughter of the moon and to heal the people in our village. After some time I realized that my healing work was healing me too. She taught me for many years and the night she died I heard a wolf crying in the woods. That was when my soul recognized her and I cried and cried. I cried away all the mean things I had done and I cried for all the love I had denied others. 

A short time later, another daughter of the moon came through our village. Her name was Wynd and she had always been a traveler. We became fast friends and she decided to stay so we could learn from and teach each other. The villagers grew to depend on us to birth their children and to guide their rituals. My heart grew and grew. 

Then the priests came. I knew these men would bring harm to our village but as much as I tried I could not protect the people. It didn't take long before the villagers began avoiding us. When the women stopped coming to us to help them give birth I knew the worst was about to happen. Wynd was always an optimist and I couldn't convince her to lay low. 

A day came when she was surrounded in the square. The priests accused her of working for the devil. They said her herbs were poison and that she seduced men to pay the devil his due. They beat her and raped her and cut off her beautiful hair. When they burned her at the stake they made the village watch. 

I hid in my house in the woods but they found me before I could escape. I called Wolf to help me. Wolf entered my body and we fought against them so well they were forced to kill me. Wolf told me it was for the best. We had denied them the opportunity to use me to make the villagers more fearful. 

I wanted to stay with Wolf but I needed to be with Wynd for awhile. I would help her ride out her anger and bitterness and fear. I wanted to help her like Wolf had helped me. I would be patient and kind and when she was ready we would be fast friends again. 

Now Wynd is an optimist again and I miss my tribe and Wolf. Wynd wants me to grow old with her. She wants us to be old crones together. My soul is tired and I need to dance with Wolf again. So I am torn. I am ready to die and start anew. I have lost faith in humanity. Modern man has not improved much from the slave traders and priests. 

I am not an optimist but I believe in the soul. Our souls will live on one way or another. When I have danced with Wolf and refreshed my soul I might decide to move to a new garden. Gaia's garden needs a rest too. First I need to find my tribe. Wolf and I want to dance with them and call on Mother Moon and Father Sun.

Stacation ending, hand holding, book reading, bread making and a crocus

i have really enjoyed my vacation considering i spent the multitude of my time cleaning and organizing. The sun should come out today so i can get back outside. The plan is to get my potatoes in the ground by tomorrow afternoon.

my grandson has been over every day, all day long it seems. He is exhausting, i must say. Add one of his friends and i get jittery. Oy.
i walked him to school every morning and home again in the afternoon. i love the way he is still unembarrassed about grabbing for my hand and how he runs excitedly to me when he sees me. i know this innocence will be gone in another year or so, so i am enjoying it while i can.

i finally started watching season two of Nurse Jackie and had to make myself turn it off at 1am. i never stay up that late. i can barely make it to 10pm. OMG, this series has several quirky characters and i do love the quirky.
The characters grow on you but one character, nurse Zoey, hooked me immediately. Merritt Wever, is the actor's name and it's probably not surprising to learn that she has a long resume. The character is so beautifully self-conscience and emotive. The self-conscienceness is not from a critical space so much. She wants to be like Jackie and measures herself against her desire to become more like her idol. She sometimes skips like a child or will twirl on a dime to leave. She truly is an adult child; with the best qualities of both. She is open and honest, sensitive and spirited but capable with a good bullshit meter. i just love her and want to hold her hand and go skipping.

i made scones yesterday and bread the day before. The bread recipe i am trying to perfect is getting there. i managed to make a nice golden brown loaf with a crust that is not too hard.  my scones, on the other hand, are not so great. i may look for a new recipe. i'd like them to be a little fluffier for a start. Today i need to make quiche. i have some nice asparagus and will add turkey ham (don't laugh, it's low-cal and low-fat and cheap) and parmesan cheese. The grandson loves it and so do i but i get tired of it before i can get it all eaten.  It is best eaten right away and not reheated but there are always leftovers.

The spare room got cleaned out and organized, i took some stuff to the Goodwill, recycled some phone books (i wish they would quit delivering these to me) and went to Burns for chicken feed. The baby chicks are in, so i took Lincoln and his friend so they could check them out.  Burns also had baby ducks, turkeys, quails and rabbits. Kid heaven. As soon as we were done looking at the babies, the boys started begging for candy. God/dess, i hate that. So, i got the hell out of there. How quickly they turn from cute little boys to annoying beggers.

i discovered a crocus budding in my front weed patch.  i'm going to try to get a picture later today. The bud is closed now (morning) so i hope it will open later. i know about crocus' growing through the snow but i don't think of them growing in Oregon. Perhaps it is not a crocus afterall.  i'll post the pic later.

Big day ahead and i'm excited. i will hate to see my vacation end but i know i can't live in this kind of luxury forever. For me, luxury is kicking around the house and yard, watching the critters come and go and getting some reading done. BTW, The Unbearable Lightness of Scones, by Alexander McCall Smith is as good as i anticipated.  i love all his books but the Scotland Street series is beguiling. You can feel yourself relaxing and you lose track of time.

i started another book, Red Rover, by Deirdre McNamer. It's a mystery that takes a lifetime to solve and it starts in 1920's Montana with two young brothers riding out to have a couple days fun on their horses. Can you imagine, a nine and thirteen year old being allowed to ride their horses into the the wilderness alone? Perhaps. i remember my grandpa telling what seemed to be tall tales when i was a child. They seemed like tall tales to me but he told them as his own experiences. This book spans the same timeline as my Grandpas life. i'll let you know how it goes.

Later mi amigos, mi chickies and roos.  XXOO

my new veggie patch

i worked in my new garden spot today. i am off work this week and really wanted to work outside. It looks like today will be the only semi-dry day this week so i got as much done as i could. i tilled the soil and threw down the stones i had been saving.
Speaking of tilling. Check out my new toy.

It worked pretty well; much easier than doing it by hand. With money so tight, i have been feeling a little guilty about buying this little baby but after today that's gone.

i also potted some plants that i bought from a nursery in southern Oregon. The yard is looking pretty shabby but that's how it is this time of year.  Check out this pic of the yard just a couple weeks ago.

Tomorrow or the next day i plan to plant my potatoes, garlic and onions and start some seeds.  The weather is not looking good though so we shall see.

Lastly, i have spent the last few days trying to get a pic of our little hummingbird.  They are remarkably hard to photograph. This is the best i could do.

All for now.  Back again soon.

Glee full

Time seemed to stop. i kept looking at the clock thinking Glee must be almost over. Tonight's episode was like a jewel with it's many, many facets. How many issues are there to explore when you want to talk about sex, sexuality and sexual behavior?

Up until now, my favorite "sex talk" scene in film and TV was in an episode of Friday Night Lights but tonight i watched a father talk to his gay son about sex. Beautiful.

This episode touched on abstinence, lesbian and gay sex, the power of sex, sexual naivety and sexual misinformation.. But most importantly, the emotional entanglements that are inevitable were weaved throughout the show. Oh, yeah, and all the singing.

It was funny! And Gwyneth Paltrow is a natural singer and dancer. i had not expected that. She was part camp, part vamp and part healer. i hope there will be more of her in time.

I must go now.  i just wanted to say....

i am your enemy or how to cope in a witch burning world

"I want to raise every voice -- at least I've got to try

Every time I think about it water rises to my eyes.

Situation desperate, echoes of the victims cry

If I had a rocket launcher...Some son of a bitch would die"

Thank you Bruce Cockburn.  When i'm mad, i say these words. It makes me feel better. 

IF I HAD A ROCKET LAUNCHER........

Let me be clear; i would rather die than kill anyone. But i need a release. It's very hard work being your enemy. 

The number one reason that i am your enemy is that i am a woman. You want to control my uterus and i won't let you. You want me to be your whore, your mother (you pervert), your maid and your baby maker. F*#@ you! i will not let you abuse me or mine and you have made me your enemy for that.

The number two reason that i am your enemy is that i am a socialist, a progressive, a liberal. i believe in the sharing of basic resources and a progressive tax policy. i believe in collective bargaining for workers and i believe that the garbage man's work is as important as the fund manager's. Actually, i think all garbage men and women are heros and most fund managers are whores.

The third reason i am your enemy is because i believe people are people and corporations are not.  Government is of the people, by the people, and for the people NOT of, by and for the corporations, the power hungry politicians or the lobbyists. 

The fourth reason i am your enemy is that i work really hard to not be propagandized to or to be marketed to. i see through your lies most of the time. Everything else you say i will not believe at first blush.  i will scrutinize what you are saying to me for the lies i expect you to be telling. i question authority.

i am your enemy because you think you are a Calvinist but you secretly fear God/dess and i do not. i do not fear death, i do not fear God/dess and you have made me your enemy for that.

Making the masses fearful is not new. If someone burns your grandma as a witch you will experience levels of fear you did not know existed. The church can maintain it's perversion if you are busy fearing for your life. Genghis Kahn was ruthless and his reputation kept people from resisting him. Fear works as a tactic.

i am your enemy because despite my fear i will stand up to you. Despite my fear i will watch you as you kill me.